How to talk with doctors efficiently? Doctor’s advice to families of patients. 13

How to talk with doctors efficiently? Doctor’s advice to families of patients. 13

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Leading expert in patient communication and medical education, Dr. Sanjiv Chopra, MD, explains how families can prepare for and conduct efficient, effective conversations with doctors. He emphasizes the critical importance of writing down questions in advance to overcome intimidation and ensure all concerns are addressed, including the powerful query about what a doctor would recommend for their own family member.

Effective Communication with Doctors: A Family Guide to Medical Appointments

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Prepare Questions in Advance

Dr. Sanjiv Chopra, MD, advises that one of the most effective strategies for patient-doctor communication is a pre-visit family meeting. He recommends that families gather to discuss and write down all their questions before the physician's rounds. This preparation is crucial because the stress of a medical environment often causes patients and families to forget their most pressing concerns the moment the doctor arrives.

Writing questions down creates a tangible checklist that ensures no important topic is overlooked during the brief, often hurried, interaction with the medical team.

Overcoming Intimidation in Medical Settings

Medical environments can be intimidating for patients and families, a point strongly emphasized by Dr. Sanjiv Chopra, MD. He notes that physicians are frequently accompanied by a large entourage of fellows, residents, students, and nurses. This "whole big group" can create a power dynamic that makes patients feel hesitant to speak up or ask challenging questions.

The simple act of writing questions beforehand serves as an anchor, helping families stay focused and ensuring they advocate effectively for their loved one's care despite any surrounding pressure.

The Power of Sitting Down

Dr. Sanjiv Chopra, MD, shares a valuable lesson he learned over thirty years ago from his colleague, Dr. Mark Peppercorn. The advice was simple yet transformative: during patient rounds, the physician should pull up a chair and sit down. This small change in posture has a profound psychological impact on the perception of time and care.

Dr. Sanjiv Chopra, MD, explains that a doctor can stand at the foot of the bed for twenty minutes, and the family may feel the interaction lasted only two. Conversely, sitting down for just five minutes makes patients feel they received ample, undivided attention, fundamentally improving the communication dynamic.

The Crucial Family Question

Dr. Sanjiv Chopra, MD, advocates for patients to ask one particularly powerful question to their treating physicians, surgeons, and radiotherapists: "What would you do if this were a member of your family?" This question cuts through standardized treatment protocols and seeks a deeply personal, honest perspective on the best course of action.

Asking this question encourages the doctor to view the case through a lens of empathy and personal investment, often yielding a more candid and thoughtful recommendation that aligns with the highest standard of care they would want for their own loved ones.

Empowering Patients and Families

The core of Dr. Chopra's advice is empowerment. He stresses the need for healthcare providers to explicitly invite questions and for families to feel completely comfortable posing them to figures of authority. He recommends that doctors end their visits by saying, "You may think of questions as I walk out, or when the family visits this evening. Write them down, and we will talk about them tomorrow."

This proactive approach from the doctor legitimizes the family's concerns and formally schedules a time to address them, transforming a one-way consultation into a collaborative dialogue.

Learning from Medical Pioneers

This philosophy of assertive communication is echoed by other leaders in medicine. During his conversation with Dr. Anton Titov, MD, Dr. Chopra referenced the advice of Professor Lawrence Cohn, a pioneer in cardiac surgery. Professor Cohn's counsel was unequivocal: "Most importantly, you have to ask the doctor all the questions that are on your mind. Don't hold back and ask the hard questions."

This consensus among top medical professionals confirms that direct, prepared communication is not rude but is instead a critical component of receiving optimal medical care and making fully informed decisions.

Full Transcript

Dr. Sanjiv Chopra, MD: One of the best things that patients can do is have family meetings and say, "The doctor will be coming later this morning or afternoon to visit mom, or aunt, or dad. What questions should we ask?" Then write them down.

What happens is when the physician comes, he or she often stands at the foot end of the bed. The family and the patient think he's going to turn on his heels and walk away. He could stand for 20 minutes and they think he spent two minutes.

I learned 30 years ago, maybe even longer, from a colleague of mine, Dr. Mark Peppercorn. He said, "When you go for rounds, pull up a chair and sit down. You could spend five minutes and the patients will think that you gave them all the time. Before you leave, ask the question, 'Do you have any questions for me?'"

You know what? You may think of questions as I walk out, or when the family comes to visit you this evening. You have a piece of paper and a pen—write them down. When I come later this evening or tomorrow morning, we will talk about it.

We need to do that. We need to empower the families to feel very comfortable looking at somebody in authority and asking them questions.

Among the questions I encourage my patients and friends of mine who are dealing with a serious medical issue is to ask their doctor, surgeon, and radiotherapist, "What would you do if this is a member of your family?" That will hopefully give you the right answer and a very honest answer.

This is very important! When I spoke to Professor Lawrence Cohn, a pioneer in cardiac surgery, he said, "Most importantly, you have to ask the doctor all the questions that are on your mind. Don't hold back and ask the hard questions."

Yes, but write them down, because people forget and we all do that. Sometimes you get intimidated with this professor who walks in surrounded by fellows and residents and students and nurses—there is this whole big group. You might feel intimidated and then you might forget and get distracted.

Write the questions down.

Dr. Anton Titov, MD: It is very important.